Puberty and menarche

These ceremonies may be as simple or elaborate as you like. The main thing is to choose elements of the ceremony that will feel comfortable to the young person you wish to celebrate. They may not like to have their peers attending, for example, or they may love to have them there.

Not everyone will value and honour the intention of your ceremony and it is an intimate and vulnerable time for the young person. The aim here is to affirm the wonderful qualities of the young person, reassure them that they are on the right path to young adulthood and pledge your support and love for them and their journey.

If in a larger group, you may like to have everyone come prepared with a story or simply a word or two about the qualities they admire in the young person. This is not a time for embarrassing stories or those that poke fun - this is a time to speak from the heart with love and compassion.

You may wish to give the young person symbols or gifts that will help with the journey - a diary to write in, a beautiful pen, a special piece of jewellery, essential oils or flower essences or a workshop or treatment with a practitioner specialising in working with teenagers. Allow the young person to participate in planning and carrying out the ceremony too.

Coming of Age

We usually think of coming of age as a person reaching 18, the legal age of adulthood, or 21, the previous legal age of adulthood. However, a person may reach adulthood at an earlier time and it may be appropriate to celebrate at this time.

One example that springs to mind is when a young person becomes a mother or father at an earlier age than 18. Though it may not be what we hoped for them, it is important to affirm their abrupt passage into adulthood. A motherhood or fatherhood ceremony may be a good way of doing this. You may like to invite along those people who have been significant in the young person's life and ask them to bring along a wish and a piece of funny advice for them - something heartfelt and something funny. You may like to consider asking an older person to act in the role of mentor for the young parent, to support them in their transition from child to parent. Parents also of course have an important continuing role in the young person's life and the life of their new grandchild.

Have a look at these beautiful Celebrating Motherhood kits to help you with your ceremony

Civil Confirmation

This is a chance for parents to formally give their children more privileges and more responsibility. This ceremony encompasses respect for the young person and asks them to respect the community they live in. It asks them to identify values in their lives and make a commitment to living by these values. It asks them to consider how they can make a contribution to the household or community they live in. The ceremony prompts the young person to consider what it means to be growing up - what is the role of a more mature person?

It is a time to affirm the wonderful qualities of the child and it is good to invite along close family and friends who can talk about the child in a loving, caring way and contribute stories and examples of the talents and gifts of the child. Your teenage child may enjoy having a ceremony in a beautiful natural setting or at a place that your child loves. They may be happy to have this ceremony with close family and family friends but may be mortified to undergo it in front of their peers, if they have not been accustomed to ceremony and ritual from a young age.

A surprise "This is Your Life" style ceremony that then goes deeper may delight and open the way for the more serious elements of the ceremony.

Mentors may be appointed to a role similar to that of an aunt or uncle, a person that the child can talk to if they are having difficulties and someone they can seek guidance from. This is not displacing the parents - they are the people who primarily guide the young person. Sometimes the young person needs someone who can be neutral to give them an opinion or guidance about an issue, perhaps with parents. The young person may choose to give up a belonging from childhood to symbolise the passage into young adulthood and guests or parents may choose to give a gift - perhaps a book of wisdom or a symbolic item.

Resources

Here are some links to help with rites of passage.